Reading Glasses

I’m in my fifties and I am still not comfortable with the vocabulary surrounding vision. Who ever thought of the terms “near-sighted” and “far-sighted” to describe not being able to see well the other way around? I always have to do mental gymnastics when in a conversation about vision and the need for glasses.

Anyway, I am a very far-sighted person. This sounds nice, like I am very wise, but it really means I can’t see anything up close. If I misplace or forget my reading glasses, I’m in trouble. I might be in a store thinking I have found a great bargain – something for $30 that should cost a lot more. Of course, that’s $30 without my glasses, but $80 with them.

Without my reading glasses, small print looks like little, fuzzy clumps of letters. I can try to guess from the size and placement of these clumps of letters what it might say, but it is dangerous. Once I was making an educated guess at the meaning of what I saw, only to be informed that it was written in Spanish and not in English.

I also try to wear sunglasses when I am outside to protect my eyes. This means that I am always carrying around two sets of glasses and putting them on and off constantly. Sometimes one is on my eyes and another on my head. Sometimes both are in my purse and good luck coming up with the appropriate pair. I have multiple pairs stashed all over my life – home, car, work. I even have a pair of reading sunglasses (tinted reading glasses).

As all of us who have reading glasses know, even if you have multiple pairs stashed all over the house, you never can find a pair when you need them. They are next to the keys you can’t find, no doubt.

I’ve tried wearing them on a lanyard. But at work I wear a badge on a lanyard and usually a necklace. Seriously, you could choke with all those things around your neck. Not to mention ending up with a tangled mess.

At times I almost wish I were also near-sighted (meaning I couldn’t see well at a distance…). Then I could get those fancy all-in-one glasses with bi or tri focus and instant tinting when you go outside. At least it would be just one pair of glasses. And you could wear them all the time. Simple.

Meanwhile, I guess I should enjoy the variety of colors and shapes on offer for reading glasses. I think I’ll skip the hot pink polka dots and the leopard skin frames though, they are not the look I think reflects my status as a very far-sighted person.

On Running Five Minutes Late

I’m fairly sure it’s because I’m an over-achiever. I always think that I can get one or two little things done before I leave the house.

I know what time I should be leaving. I pretty much know how long it takes for me to drive, walk or scooter to most of the locations I’m going.

But I don’t want to waste time. So I throw a load of laundry in the washer. I empty the dishwasher. Or I go through the mail.

And then I glance at the clock. Oh, no! I should have been out the door 5 minutes ago and I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.

Then I zoom to work or an appointment with a friend. I promise I am not trying to be insensitive. It just seems to happen.

Maybe I should live in one of those cultures that is more slow paced – where you get somewhere when you get there. Perhaps I should try to institute this practice here in America.

I’m not so sure my boss at work would go for it.

I’ve tried setting timers. I’ve tried keeping clocks set 5 minutes fast. And I’ve tried writing appointments for 15 minutes earlier than they actually are.

None of it works. Because I can just turn off the timer. And I can mentally add on the extra 5 to 15 minutes to my clocks or appointments. Plus, there are risks to these methods. If someone corrects the clock, I’m 10 minutes late. If I write down the correct time for the appointment I could be half an hour late.

I really need to just focus on under-achieving. Not getting things done. Slowing down.

Then perhaps instead of running 5 minutes late I can just walk 5 minutes late and be much happier.

What’s in a name, a rose by any other name…..

The other day I was walking my dog in the park and a woman walked toward me and said, “Hi, Flo. How are you?” “I’m great,” I responded. “And how are you? It’s a lovely day today, isn’t it?”

I have no idea who that woman was.

I’m not that old. But sometimes I have trouble remembering. Mostly it’s people’s names I somehow blank out, but sometimes it’s the actual person I forget if we’ve met only briefly.

I work at a public desk at the library. So I think people feel familiar with me. I feel this way about the bank teller or the cashier at the grocery store. But this may be an excuse.

I quit being a greeter at my church. At first I just tried changing my tactics. Instead of asking, “Are you new here?” To which sometimes the reply was, “No, Flo. We’ve been coming here for more than a year.” I changed to, “So how long have you been coming to this church?” A more nebulous question. And then during the course of our conversation it dawns on me that we have met before. Oops. Being a greeter was getting dangerous.

There are also the people I’ve gotten to know a bit. I’ll remember the conversations. I’ll remember where the person is from and what they do for a living. I’ll remember all sorts of things about them. But there is that little appendage called a name which seems to slip away, just out of my grasp.

Often the conversation between me and my husband (whose name I do remember, thank goodness) goes like this: “Do you remember the name of the guy with the dark hair and beard who has a coffee business? We met him at the picnic.”

Either one of us could be posing this question. We hope that between the two of us, one person will remember.

I actually happened to remember this person’s name was Jason – because it was the second time I had met him. I had apologized for forgetting his name the first time and hoped I had not offended him. He said, “That’s ok, Flo. I’ll give you six times. If I have to tell you more than six times, then I’ll be offended.” I really liked that answer, so I remembered Jason’s name.

I just can’t do that little trick people suggest- the one about repeating the person’s name over and over when you meet them. It sounds too awkward to me. “Hello, Jason. Nice to meet you, Jason. And, Jason, what do you do for a living? A coffee business? Jason, that sounds so interesting.” If I should forget Jason’s name after this, it would be really weird.

So I limp along trying not to embarrass myself or offend my new friends. If we meet, please give me six times to remember your name. It’s nothing personal.

Yoga Woman

Portrait of an Aspiring Yoga Woman

I picture myself as thin and lithe as I carry my yoga mat up to the yoga room. Unfortunately, there are mirrors across one whole wall of this room which quickly dispel this idea and bring the real situation into focus. Oh well, I still have my yoga mat so I look somewhat like a person who practices yoga.

Our instructor tells us to close our eyes and set an intention for the class. Maybe I am an overachiever because three intentions quickly come to mind. First, I don’t want to hurt myself. Second, I don’t want to make a fool of myself. And third, I want to keep my lunch well down in my stomach and not have it rearrange itself, especially during downward facing dogs.

The class usually starts off with somewhat easy stretches. I am relatively happy with these until they progress to more stretchy stretches. The instructor says something like “swan dive forward and plant your hands on the mat.” Others gracefully swan dive forward and put their hands flat on the mat- without bending their knees. After about a year of yoga I am pleased that I can now pretty much touch my toes. My actions might be called a duck dive forward. Perhaps I will grow up to be a swan.

There are a lot of “poses” in yoga. All good for strength, balance and flexibility. Those things are really important for me as I age. I work on them with my three intentions in mind.

One pose is the downward facing dog. The object here is to stretch your body out like a dog does when it stretches. I have a dog, and now that I am taking yoga lessons I have new admiration for the way she is able to stretch. It seems to come easier for dogs than it does for humans. I can’t seem to get my feet flat on the ground when my hands are also on the ground out in front of me. But I enjoy “walking my dog”, just the same.

Some poses are called warrior poses. These are not difficult if you are a slacker like me, because what is so hard about standing sideways with your arms outstretched? But if you do the pose correctly, it is a different story. Your body should be strong and alert like a warrior. I think the one called humble warrior is aptly named, not because you lean forward in a humble position, but because it would be quite easy to fall forward- flat on your face- and be humbled. I am especially aware of my intentions when I try that one.

Then there are the poses where you stand on one leg and put the other leg and your arms in various positions- a tree, a dancer, a figure four, etc. I am usually doing alright at this until the instructor says, “for an added challenge you might want to look at the ceiling or close your eyes.” Are you kidding? We do have health insurance, but I don’t want to reach the deductible in one day. I keep my eyes wide open.

Meanwhile, throughout the session the instructor says to breathe. I hear, “remember to breath” or “don’t forget to breathe”, plus some very detailed instructions on exactly when to breathe in and out. I have made it to my mid-fifties and haven’t considered this an issue yet. I believe I have managed to breathe every day of my life thus far. I thought I had this covered. Still, I suppose it is good for me to remember to take nice, long breaths that relax your body during the day.

And so we carry on with dogs, warriors, trees, planks, chair poses (squats), and boats (for abs). I realize I am sweating and using every muscle in my body. Finally, we come to the pose at which I particularly excel. It has a Hindi name which means “corpse pose”. I must say, without a false sense of pride, that I can hold this pose for a significant amount of time. You get to lie on your back and totally relax your body. It’s even tempting to fall asleep. I am a master at the corpse pose.

Each yoga session is a success if I have fulfilled my intentions. I come out without injury or embarrassment of any kind and maybe more strong and lithe than before the session. When I walk out with my yoga mat, I do feel like a yoga woman.